When I was about 20 years old, my good friend and I often went to one of our favorite places, Lucy’s Retired Surfer’s Bar. It was on the 84th and Columbus in the city, as we New Yorkers call the island of Manhattan. I liked Lucy’s, and at least I could have a drink that didn’t have to be in a bottle, as I would when we went to CBGB. There, I only drank beer from a bottle—never a glass.
It was during one of those nights uptown at Lucy's where Kristine and I met one preppy guy and his buddies. He thought he would impress us and picked up some paper or a napkin along with a pen someone had. He wrote on the paper, "To thine own self be true." He then asked if we knew who had written that, full of confidence that he was the master of his universe and could impress two young women.
Hmmm…..
Let me think.
Was it Shakespeare? (I was an English major in college).
Although I wasn’t impressed by the preppster's imagined genius, the memory stuck, and decades later, Kristine and I still remember the night. I don't know about that guy or whatever happened to him, but Shakespeare was right—to thine own self be true.
Staying True in a World of Boxes
It's not easy to stay the course and be who you are in a world that will seek to put you in a box or dim your light. Through the years, I've had the opportunity to meet genuinely bright and intelligent young people who've impressed me with their passion, drive, and wisdom beyond their years. Candidly, I worry for them and their future.
My experience of being in my twenties was before we lived in a digital world, which, in many ways, is substantively different than what young people experience today. However, in other ways, it's not that different. People continue to be people, still motivated by the same desires and fears. And as every preceding generation knows, we've navigated these same waters in the past—even if the tides have changed.
Still, with five decades of lived experience, I know the challenge of trying to be who you are and standing true to yourself in a world that will try to make you bend to its will. In retrospect, I lived decades where I felt I had to become someone I wasn't to pay the rent and take care of my daughter. Still, despite it, I was fortunate all my light didn’t dim. I refused.
Staying True through Fresh Perspectives
When I was about 27, I met one of my three most influential people. Her name is Helen, and her light still shines in my life in her 9th decade. She's always lived true to herself and taught me that sometimes, you go around to stay true and not through. I still remember when we were at dinner in a restaurant, and I asked her for her wisdom about living a good life.
She quickly replied that I should always keep young people, especially women, in my life and children. At the time, I didn’t fully appreciate the wisdom, but fortunately, because it came from Helen, I never forgot it. By keeping young people in my life, she said, I would always see the world in new and fresh ways, and it would help me stay true to who I was.
I've always tried to live those words, and somewhere on the journey, I tipped to having many essential young women in my life. Of course, my daughter and her partner are crucial, as are my niece and nephew. But I also regularly keep in touch with young people in Spain, France, Canada, and the United States.
Most of these young people are women, and all of them are on their way to building their lives—all full of promise and potential. Still, I sometimes wonder how they can maintain their character, spirit, and light—how can they remain true to themselves? How can they choose to continually look at the kindness and good and not at the shadows that consistently linger near?
In short, can they hold onto their essence and truth when the world knocks on their door? But then I recall Kahlil Gibran’s words, "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." For them, I have to believe that Gibran's words ring true over 100 years after he wrote those words.
© 2024 Linda N. Spencer, My Red Sneakers. All Rights Reserved.